Life on hold…

(WARNING: i’m in the mood to rant because i am PMS-ing so thanks if you’re gonna read the whole entry although not advised as this only a hormone-driven text post)

i have this dream career, that only a few of my closest friends know about, which mainly involves..well, all that i could ever wish for to happen while i’m twenty (meaning the desire for beautiful clothes, lots of shoes, tons of cash and trips abroad is present) and single (not being attached to anybody and not having to think of anybody else but myself thus allowing me to concentrate on saving up for my future). i’ve been trying to get the job since i was 18 but with all the emotional stress involved in the process, i had to take a few short breaks. i wanted it so bad that most of the time it would be the reason for my depression and ultra-mega frustratedness. rejection was harsh and getting back up to try again wasn’t very easy. i guess i was never the perfect ten and competition was just freaking tough. a thousand girls would kill for this job, literally (literally a thousand or more but not the kill part). i’m not kidding. i tried again mid-year of 2009 and failed after months of preparation. i just got sick of it after that. i sorta just forgot about it and i was already willing to let go.

two days after being rejected for the nth time, i just decided that i can’t sit at home anymore doing nothing. i was broke because i spent all my saved money preparing for the said day. i had nothing. i was nothing. that’s what i felt. so in less than 48 hours after the rejection i got myself this job i am on right now. i was hired. it was a breath of fresh air and although this kind of work is not a big thing for most of you, to me it was the achievement i didn’t have for quite a few years (not being in school and staying in hawaii for a long time doing nothing). i even told myself that i’m never gonna go back to this kind of work again because it was toxic but i didnt have a choice. nobody else would be interested in a college drop out with less than two months of work experience.

so i got here, met new people and went on training. this is good, i said. i was gonna earn sixteen grand every month. my bank account would be rid of all the cobwebs and all i have to do is sit around and listen. not bad, huh? it became the perfect distraction. so i worked and worked and worked not really thinking about that other job i wanted. money smelled really good and it got me almost anything i wanted.

8 months after.. that’s when it gets tiring. and when i think about it, there’s really nothing here. you do the same stuff everyday, see the same people, go to the same parts of the building. there’s just no room for any other damn thing aside from what you are getting paid to do. ugh. i don’t like this anymore.

this now led me to the decision to give the dream job another try. this is what i wanted after all. this is what everyone wants for me. so yeah, i am keeping my fingers crossed. they’ll want me someday. i know.

and i realized this because last saturday morning this weird thing actually happened, i was walking home and i suddenly got goosebumps when i saw this girl who passed by wearing a statement shirt that had big capital letters in black and it said:

FACE THE FUTURE.