THESE DAYS..
My Saturday nights are all about going to the dermatologist, eating in Tokyo Tokyo by myself (ordering for 2) and trying to prevent myself from sleeping in the FX on the way home. What happened?
Talk-to-strangers night.
I miss my weekends. June 5th was one of the few eventful nights I’ve had this year so far. Though I went home a bit disappointed and upset, I was happy that day. It was crazy. Let me tell you more about what happened that night.
It was definitely a night to remember. I needed to go out because it was the last Saturday I’ll have as my day-off until we change schedules again. What started out as coffee with Ruby turned out to be gallery hopping (which isn’t that much of a success but was hilariously fine since we had Carlo and Miggy fighting over mixtapes, Gloria Estefan and old, cheesy love songs the entire time we were in the car), ditching gospel jam at Conspiracy, having an awesome midnight meal at Mr. Kabab, giving up on Carlo after waiting for two hours and then finally heading to our last stop. In the end it was me, Shayne and Miggy. We decided we needed beer. We headed to the nearest non-party, BBQ place in Tomas Morato. We didn’t know that the night’s just getting started.
Here’s what happened, there’s this guy I used to see around at work and I never really got to meet him. To make the long story short, he (itago nalang natin siya sa pangalang “Brandon Void”) was there that night! So I told Miggy and Shayne about seeing him in the office and Miggy decided to play wingman! Crazy fool! It didn’t take a long while for all of us (me and my friends, Brandon Void and his friends) to get together on one table.The earlier parts of the conversations we’ve had involved films (turns out he was a major film buff like Shayne), Shayne’s “other” job, and arguing about which chick flick was the best.
So Brandon Void had a couple of more beers and then he started talking bullshit. He was convincing us that he was the second coming and/or the holy trinity and he kept babbling on about it until it was already seven in the morning. By then I was ready to go home. I do find him interesting but he was such a weirdo! And I could only take so much weirdness. Miggy uploaded a video of him talking crap and I’m not sure if I’d want to publish that. Haha.
Sorry I just needed to rant. I know this post is long overdue. I need to have more nights like this. I get bored easily and I am bored. I need change. I need entertainment. I need something. Can’t wait for Talk-to-Strangers Night part 2!!!
Six days at the bottom of the ocean.
My calves are tired from all the walking I’ve done this week. Suddenly, the afternoon heat felt nothing compared to the pain I was feeling inside. It all started with Mother’s Day morning conversations at the breakfast table then it all went downhill from there. I almost decided to leave home and move out. Then I had to go to work while I was in a big mess. My emotional needs as a human being soared high as I felt that I wasn’t getting anything at all from anybody. I had nothing and I didn’t have anything to give anymore. I walked for hours everyday the whole week, trying to avoid the place I used to call ‘home’, trying to avoid almost begging for small conversations (that I always knew will never happen) and words of comfort from someone I needed the most at that time, trying to avoid the feeling of ’loneliness’ that suddenly multiplied itself by a thousand in less than 24 hours, trying to divert my attention onto lovely pieces of furniture that made me feel excited with the thought of getting my own place. The exhaustion I felt helped me get some sleep to escape everything even for just a couple of hours. I was so tired that I didn’t even have any dreams. It was pure sleep, the best kind. It was just black and silent, I wonder if death felt the same way?
The surgery I had last night was the best decision I had in months. It was the cherry on top of a bad week. I don’t think there could have been a better time to get the procedure done. I was awake the entire time and I covered my eyes with my forearm ‘cause the lights were too bright. It reminded me of noontime during summer minus heat. After four shots of local anesthesia, I felt nothing. Well, of course I could feel the incisions but there was no pain, there was only the feeling of a sharp metal object cutting it’s way through body tissue. I thought it was just like slicing vegetables; vegetables don’t have feelings. I held onto the side of the bed with my other hand as I tried to relax with deep breaths of oxygen that I didn’t think was present in the operating room. The fear of sudden physical pain took away the hurt I was feeling emotionally. The smell of my own burning flesh became all I could ever think of at that moment. I forgot how I hated the weather, I forgot how I didn’t care much about politics, I forgot the cabinet I saw and fell in love with, I forgot the person who mattered to me and how I will never matter the same way. I’m glad it’s over.
Now, I’m just trying to put the pieces back together.. imagine all my apologies and alibis lined up and ready to be delivered in envelopes to the people I’ve hurt, even to the ones that have hurt me. As I wait for my wounds to heal, the occasional feelings of sharp pain cannot be prevented. All I needed to do now was to let the suture do it’s job and close the cut. Real life was almost the same thing as surgery, but without a knife to open it up and a thread to sew it back together.
What I have been up to last April.
Haven’t been able to update this journal lately. My laptop’s still not fixed and I’m always too tired to write when I have work so I’m always excited to go home. But just to update this with useless pieces of information about my life, here are a couple of things:
- So April, that I tagged as self-improvement month, actually started with plans of losing weight and having a lifestyle change. Didn’t happen. It’s just too hard to move in this kind of weather. I hate summer and I will elaborate on that in the next entry. I feel like i’m oily sisig on my sizzling hot plate bed everytime I try go get some sleep. Eww.
- PMS isn’t helping much. I’m sensitive as fuck and even I cried last Monday. My appetite has gone through the roof and I have been binging like crazy. I really hope bloat season ends soon. Gift of mother nature, where the hell are you?
- Been thinking about the future a lot. I’ve been toying around the possibility of quitting my present job, going back to school and applying as a part-time barista at Starbucks. I’m really getting tired of this routine work anyway. I need change. I really need to start filling out that Dream Venti application form I have at home. I think I already have five. Haha.
- Still no vacation for me. While everybody’s at the beach enjoying the white sand in their straw hats and summer dresses, I probably spend about a third of an entire day just trying to get some decent sleep. What the fuck.
- Not much luck with shopping. I’m actually out looking for the perfect pair of shoes in preparation for the rainy season but I have just not been able to find any good ones. Everytime I go to the mall, I just get disappointed with low quality-high priced goods that are not worth buying. The really good ones are too expensive. Sucks to be low class poor girl.
- I’m doing a good job with my budgeting project. I’m saving up for new lens, a speedlite and a trip to HK with some friends. I’m such a good girl! Can’t wait to get out of this dump and this sucky weather.
- I can’t find a couple of things at home: my plastic bag of pirated blu-ray DVDs, grey skinny jeans, and ipod. Please return my stuff whoever/whatever you are. I can’t believe my lola referred to my room as a ‘bukid’. Hahaha. I need to fix up.
- The laptop still has this ‘unmountable boot volume’ blue screen error during start up. I brought it out for repair and the bastards at the center immediately suggested that we reformat. They haven’t even looked into it yet. So I went home needing a second opinion. I did some research myself and found a couple of basic troubleshooting sites/forums online that teach you how to fix it with the recovery software without having to reformat. Like don’t you guys have google? The fuck! I need a tech guy with a little more heart. I have tons of photos I wanna save.
- What’s with all the jejemon craze? I mean it already existed before people had a name for it. And now it’s the talk of the town? Bullcrap. Because of all this, there’s actually no thrill anymore when me and my friends jejetalk online and thru text. It’s not even funny anymore. ‘Dito na powh me’, ‘zan na you powz’ and ‘aliz naman we’ doesn’t sound as good as it did before. Sad.
What else.. what else. I guess that’s pretty much it. Not what I call exciting. Will tell you more about a couple of other stuff in the coming days. It’s almost mid-year and I’m starting a new life, please do/don’t be a part of it. Kkthxbye.
My favorite photo from last Saturday’s Meiday. Thanks to Brendan Goco for the pic. :)
GIRLS NIGHT IN!
In camz’ house is where the inuman disaster always happens. Last time I was there was almost 3 years ago and that night was the craziest nights of all crazy nights. geez. I can’t help but *face-palm* whenever I think about it. I missed these people! Just like the old days..
Funds
Things to save up for this April:
- anti-obesity pills
- prints
- haircut
- surgery
- more movies
- cheap lens
- tempura
- hosiery
- travel money
- alcopop
The rest of my salary shall be forcibly put in to my savings account.
COFFEE
There he was standing right in front of me. His eyes fixed onto mine. There’s no turning back now. He looked nice under the dim orange lights, it illuminated his pretty face even more. And I was under those lights too, but it only showed how I was such a nervous-wreck. I knew he was gonna ask the question. The look on his face told me he was ready. He knew he was gonna get an answer. I wasn’t ready but I had to do it. His lips started to move and any time now the words are gonna come out.. here we go. Three words and It’ll be over. I smiled and said..
.
.
.
“Mocha Frappuccino.. grande.”
